Jokes about Microsoft

I have shown you Bill Gates joke's, now for MS jokes. TheSealPortalTeam, these are up your alley lol:

If MicroSoft was based in Georgia

1. Their No. 1 product would be "Microsoft Winders".
2. Instead of an hourglass icon, you'd get an empty beer bottle.
3. Occasionally, you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duct tape.
4. Instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel", dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Aww-right", "Naw", or "Git".
5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos".
6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders95 would be an outhouse.
7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player, you'd hear "Freebird!"
8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders95 theme song would be "Boot Scootin' Boogie".
9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt".
10. Instead of "VP", Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz".
11. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.
12. Four words: Daisy Duke screen saver.
13. "Well, the first thing you know old Bill's a billionaire..."
14. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator.
15. Microsoft CEO "Billy-Bob" (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates.
16. "ParPawnt" would have a "Pond Scum" and a "Junk Yard" presentation template.
17. One wrong turn while surfing the web would send you face to face with a 12 gauge shotgun.
18. "This computer protected by Smith and Wesson screen saver."
19. Directions to Corporate Headquarters - "Down the road just yonder".
20. Microsoft Word includes a phonetic spell checker-"Hookt on fonics werkt 4 me"

If Microsoft Built Cars

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.
7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be superb.
10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.
14. There would be an "Engine Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.
15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.
16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!
17. If you still ran old versions of car (i.e. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!
18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.
19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days before it worked.
20. You would need to by an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.

Top Ten Ways To Irritate Bill Gates

10.Steal his "nerdboy" license plate.
9. Accuse him of sexually harassing your laser jet printer.
8. Beat his high score on Tetris.
7. Ask him if they caught the guy who did that to his hair.
6. Tell him you heard he's "Microsoft."
5. Leave his Spock ears on your dashboard so they melt.
4. Let the air out of the tires on the Gatesmobile.
3. Drop hints that Oprah's richer than he is.
2. WWW him right in the dot-com.
1. Two words: dork tax.


The rest of the jokes are on this link:
http://www.humorbin.com/showcat.asp?cat=43